Adam and Elise's Acting Debut starring JESUS

Both my kids were asked to take part in an on-stage discussion about their visit to a local nursing home. Because their stage presence was professional, they were later asked to be in an all-church video to solicit volunteers for our summer long VBS program known as Passport.

What they quickly learned is that a 3 minute video takes an hour and half to film; and preparing to know their lines ahead of time took quite a bit of a commitment, too.

As a parent, I can say that this is one of my proudest moments. Both my kids rocked the video and made us proud to represent the church--and believers in Christ.

My blond children are easy to identify. Elise is in the aqua blue t-shirt and her brother Adam is wearing red sporting some long locks as he approaches middle school.

Milestones in My Son's Life, Milestone in Parenting

I have always loved the quote by Elizabeth Stone "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." In regards to parenting, no truer words have ever been spoken.

The truth is that my heart is no longer my own. I check on my kids moments before I go to sleep at night and they are my first thought in the morning. The truth is that everything I do in my life is a reflection of them, and their physical and emotional well-being are always foremost in my mind.
Each day is spent cherishing the moments I am creating for them and with them, trying not to look back in regret or look out too far in the future.

At least that was the way I felt until recently. This year is flying by incredibly fast and before I was prepared for it, the school year ended. Not just any school year, but my son's last one at the elementary level. And this new reality hit me hard and unexpectedly one morning. My son is a tween and his middle school days are upon us. And there is no turning back. Parenting Adam has been a joy. For the most part, he has made parenting easy for me. We have an easy, mutually respectful relationship, but as I see him approaching those dreaded teen years, his independence from me is a challenge.
I know that God has only given me my children for a time. He has given them to me to raise up for Him and to raise them to be loving, caring, responsible adults. God never intended for me to have them under my care forever. He has only given me the here and now; and if I'm lucky, lots of tomorrows. Still I felt stuck in the grief in the chapter of this part of his life coming to a close; afraid of what the tomorrows may bring. I did not know how to come out of the grief I was feeling. Then God gave me answer in a way I never expected.

Adam is a competitive, level 5 gymnast. His coach had given him the deadline of May 26 to conquer his fear of doing a back flip on the trampoline, unassisted. It was a skill that would be necessary to continue his growth. On May 26 I walked my tearful, fearful son into practice to talk with his coach Jack. "Adam can do the skill." Jack told me. "But he wants me on the trampoline spotting him. I want him to do it by himself."

So I did my best to encourage my son, knowing that no words would guarantee that he would take the leap of faith to conquer the fear. And I stood out of his sight and watched him perform the back flip over and over with his coach nearby spotting him. In a final desire to encourage him I announced my presence in the room and said "Adam, you own this. You OWN it! You are nailing it every time. You can do it. You can!"

It took until later that evening but Adam did the back flip on his own. And he did it over and over. He came home that night so proud of himself for facing the fear and doing it in spite of the fear. But it was the words that he said that spoke to me. "Mom, Jack told me I could do it but it was you, Mom. It was your encouragement that made me know I could do it. And I did!"

I said a prayer of thanks as I took my son in a bear hug and congratulated him. The teen years will have the ups and downs of life. No doubt it will be filled with a lot of moments where I am in the background of his life. But me and Adam? We're gonna be just fine!

Getting Back to the Basics

It was the end of May and it was the last week of school. I had my days planned out. It all came down to the final 5 mornings without children underfoot. I had my plan...but then God had his. God always wins.

We have lived in the same neighborhood for nearly 7 years. In those years we have been fortunate to rarely experience the loss of electricity.  Except we lost power that very first morning of the 'final five' in all the busy craziness that is the end of school. And, life as I knew it, stood still.

The impact was felt immediately by my 6 year old daughter Elise. She had an Internet Webkins party scheduled to take place at 12:30 p.m. The outage began at approximately 12:25 p.m., just as I went to log her in. I had even changed my plans around to make sure we were home in time for her virtual pet party. Thankfully, she giggled at the irony of the timing.

And then we stared at each other in silence. What now?

What has the world come to that we have no telephone, no Internet, no television, no air conditioning and we feel completely and totally out of touch. We piddled around the house until the storm passed and the sun began to shine again, giving us a little more natural lighting indoors.

So we played. We played like two 6 year olds. Elise got out her favorite board games that rarely get taken off the shelf. And we played with her cat and dog park, making up silly pet names and fun imaginative scenarios. And we talked. As I was playing with her it reminded me of why I had become a parent in the first place. We lose so much in the busyness of our lives that we forget about engaging and investing in the lives of the people we love.

The fact is that I have been struggling for the last several days with the fact that my son Adam is leaving elementary school at the end of this week. He is moving onto bigger and better and newer. His childhood is nearly over as he enters the tween and teen years. While I knew that I had a 'to do' list that had to be done, I also knew that soon enough it will be my daughter making that same transition and these stolen moments together will be fewer and farther between, too.

But God gave me at least one more impromptu moment with Adam. While my 'plan' was to watch one of Oprah's finale shows when he got off the school bus, the better plan was to play one more board game with the three of us, and then to read with Adam as we work our way through the seventh and final installment of the Harry Potter series we've been reading together in the last year.

But, alas, the power was restored, which meant it was time for me to meet my writing deadline and for the kids to enthusiastically re-engage with the television. Still, this afternoon reminded me that technology is not always best. Sometimes it's about getting back to the basics.

Home Alone in the 21st Century

It has been just over 20 years since the Home Alone movie rocketed Macaulay Culkin into stardom. It was the cheek slap heard around the world that has been parodied ever since. While most people would agree that 8-year-old Kevin (played by Culkin) was too young to be 'home alone', it begs the question: What is the right age? Or perhaps more fittingly, is there an age specified in the Missouri statutes or in St. Louis County?

I consulted with Lieutenant Bob Arthur of Town and Country police to help answer the question. He said that there was no magical age in St. Louis for when staying home alone is legal (only Illinois and Maryland have specific state laws regulating it). From both experience as a dad of three now-grown children and as an officer who has seen the best and worst of St. Louis, his recommendation is age 12.
Let's face it, with summer quickly approaching, doesn't a little freedom from children underfoot sound enticing? But how do you know your child is ready? Lt. Arthur says that there are basic things your child should know before you leave them alone for any length of time. At the most basic level, they need to know how to dial 9-1-1 and their own street address. Having your child memorize your cell phone is a great idea, too. You may have it on a bulletin board at home but if (s)he can't get it to it in an emergency, (s)he should still know how to reach you.

Children also need to know what to do in case of an emergency. Does your child know where the water shut-off valve is located or the electric breaker box? Do you have a first aid kit where your child can find it if necessary? If they need to leave the house for any reason (like a fire), do they know which neighbors are usually home and they can count on as a 'safe' house? Do they know how to reach a neighbor by phone if they can't reach you?

Arthur stressed too, that you need to rely on your instincts. If you doubt that your child will obey the house rules (do not answer the door, do not use the stove, no friends may come over, etc) then that is a good indication that regardless of chronological age, they may not have the emotional maturity to be responsible enough yet.

Supposing you have decided that staying home alone is acceptable, now what? For us, it means signing up our 11-year-old for a "Home Alone" class. They are held all around the area--at the Des Peres Lodge, Ballwin Pointe, through Rockwood and Parkway Continuing Education, and through all the local hospitals. Don't discount the value in having someone reinforce what you have already instructed your children to do, no matter how thorough you thought you were.

Another tip is to start out in small time blocks. Initially, I left our son Adam home for 10 minutes at a time. I also never allow him to stay home alone if a) I cannot drop everything and come home immediately 2) I am more than a five-minute car ride away 3) I cannot predict how long I will be be gone (Like a doctor's appointment).

The last tip is this: Do not push the matter if your child has any hesitation at all. There are times when our son is more comfortable than others in being home alone. There is no rhyme or reason to his comfort level but I always give him the option. Oftentimes, he will choose to come with me. I want him to be in tune with his gut feeling and I respect his decision even if it would be more convenient to have him stay home. The reality is that eventually they will be ready to, and when they are, the transition will go smoothly if you go at a pace you are both comfortable with. In the meantime, just enjoy the fact that they still want to be near you. That may not last forever.

Chid Restraint Laws in St . Louis

Reposted with minor revisions from the original post that appeared on townandcountry-manchester.patch.com

Over spring break there were three of us moms discussing the use of seat belt restraints/booster seats in St. Louis county. And all three of us had different interpretations of the law. In fact, all three of us believed the law to be different. Even defining the law was difficult.

In April of this year, an ordinance passed in Manchester allowing an officer to pull you over strictly for a seat belt violation. Prior to this change, a seat belt violation could be cited only when an officer was pulling you over for another offense. The exception to this was when children were involved. If an officer noticed a child violating the requirement for their size and age, the driver could be fined independent of any other vehicular offense. But do you know what the regulations are for your child?
Manchester police department's patrol Sergeant Dan West directed me to the Missouri Revised Statutes (Chapter 307.179) to help answer this question. At the link you can read in detail seat belt requirements for all passengers. Below are some highlights.

Infants are required to be in an infant car seat, facing backward in a rear seat. Once they have outgrown the seat according to weight requirements, they may sit in a forward facing seat in a restraint system commonly referred to as a five-point harness. Regardless of age, children who weigh less than 40 pounds must remain in this car seat.

Children at least four years of age but less than eight years of age, who also weigh at least forty pounds but less than eighty pounds, and who are also less than four feet, nine inches tall, shall be secured in a child passenger restraint system (commonly known as a booster seat).

Sergeant West stressed that while your child may be over 8 years old and allowed to ride in a vehicle with only a shoulder and lap restraint system (no booster seat), he urges all parents to continue to have your son or daughter use a booster seat until they meet the height requirement. In an accident, it is the placement of the shoulder strap that will be the most important factor in protecting them from harm or injury. It is body height and weight that impacts how they respond in a crash, not age.

What about riding in the front passenger seat? Sergeant West said that because of air bags, which are standard in most vehicles, children should not ride in the front seat if they are younger than 13. Once again he stressed that substantial injury or death could occur because of the deployment of the air bag that is designed with an adult body size in mind.

Safety should always be our priority when raising our children. Despite protests from kids about wearing a seat belt or arguing with us that they want to give up a booster seat, or them wanting to be allowed to sit in the front seat, it is not about making them happy. It's about keeping them safe--and obeying the laws of the road.

Finding your Inner Julia Child

One of my all-time favorite movies is Julie & Julia. It was because of that movie that I wanted to amp up my cooking skills. Despite being a fairly diverse cook, it was often my favorite part of the day. After 10 years of marriage (and cooking), I needed isnpiration.

Can I get an Amen?

If you are nodding your head in silent agreement, read below on how I tackled the cooking doldrums.

It was at a doctor’s waiting room that I found my initial inspiration in the form of the cooking magazine Cooking Light. I realized I had stagnated over the years; not particularly paying attention to how healthy my recipes were, or challenging myself to become a better cook. Routinely I had chosen short-and-to-the-point recipes that did not grow my skills. Subscribing to this magazine for a few years was a perfect first step in changing that. Not only did it give me new recipes to try, it highlighted different vegetables or spices each month; and it offered cooking tips, such as how to pan-sear properly. Each issue I would make a comprehensive list of the recipes and page numbers I wanted to try. After I had accumulated about 6 issues, I typed it them up into a Word document and placed it in the front pocket of my binder.

The next step was making sure I made a new recipe a few times a month. After realizing that I probably had over 150 new recipes ear-marked to try, I realized I needed to be more intentional in incorporating them into our weekly menu. About 6 months ago, I decided that our family would eat a minimum of two new recipes a week. Sometimes that means two new entrees, and sometimes it might be side dishes or a new dessert. Occasionally, I’ll even be inspired to make all new recipes all week long. Some are hits, some are definite misses. But at least my adaptable family enjoys the adventure of it all.

About 3 months ago, I decided to further challenge myself to grow as a cook by incorporating one new ingredient per week. Turnips, parsnips, capers and patty pan squash are just a few of them. Everyone in our family loves mushrooms so even experimenting with the different varieties has been a fun way to take the ordinary and make it extraordinary.

Of all the changes I’ve made in the last few years, my absolute favorite has been learning to cook ethnic dishes. Our favorite cuisine is Asian: Thai, Chinese, Japanese and, recently, Korean. For authentic (albeit Americanized) dishes, it requires specialty sauces and spices. Sesame oil, peanut oil, mirin, tamari and hoisen sauces are all specialty ingredients that have become staples in our house. Fresh ginger root is the key to all things Asian, so even cooking with fresh spices rather than jarred can really transform your cooking. (Rule of thumb: Use 1/3 the amount of dried herbs to equal chopped fresh.) Try fresh Parmesan cheese rather than the grated variety. So often we have forgotten the original fresh option over the quick, prepared one.

In fact, if your family is less than eager to try a new food, try just adding a new spice (such as using pumpkin pie spice in your chili!) Learn to make a homemade pesto or spaghetti or Alfredo sauce rather than using jarred or canned off the grocery shelf. It might be just enough change to keep you more engaged in the kitchen without a family revolt.

And really, this only scratches the surface of the ways I’ve transformed my cooking over the last few years. Turn cooking from something ‘you have to do’ into something ‘you want to do’. Challenge your cooking talents, stretch your cooking know-how, and impress your friends and family. Your inspiration may be just a meal away

Mom Brain Strikes Again

Are you a mom? Can you relate to the following:

The first time it happened it was a very typical Friday afternoon. I glanced up at the clock and noticed that my son would be getting off the school bus soon, so I went to the front door to make sure it was unlocked. (By fifth grade it is definitely uncool to greet your child at the bus stop). A few minutes later, as the phone began to ring, I realized my faux pas: Every Friday for the last two school years, I have picked Adam up from school at regular dismissal time because of his cello.

The second incident occurred five days later as I waited for my kindergartner to get off the bus. The time came and went with no bus and no daughter. I did notice a few moms I know waving at me as they drove up our street and out of the subdivision; and they were all Daisy Girl Scout moms. The it occurred to me. I forgot about the Daisy Girl Scout meeting.

The third incident was weeks later. Elise had a five-week art class held after school once a week. I completely forgot to take her. In fact, I didn’t even remember the class until the following morning.

So my question is, what gives? For anyone who knows me they will tell you I am organized and detailed to the nth degree. I’ve never been able to relate to other moms who consistently forget things and drop the ball.
Of course, I have many excuses--valid explanations. In fact there is a book by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhan called For Men Only, which accurately depicts a typical woman's workings. Admittedly, I am not typical in many aspects, so I felt that it did not apply to me. But one example struck a chord with me: Open
windows. I have many 'windows' open at all times. While I am typing this blog, I am thinking about my day, which proves to be scheduled down to the last minute; while also wondering if my daughter is getting sick again or maybe it's allergies; thinking about my husband as he drives to Ohio to surprise his bone marrow brother for his birthday; and wondering if the temps are ever going to climb past 70 degrees. Yes, I am multi-tasking in my thoughts. Most women can relate. Of course, I think that is my downfall, too. Life is busy--too busy at times.

Imagine my relief then when Dr. Mehmet Oz wrote in an article about mom brain that it is a true condition. Our brains are 80 percent fat, containing Omega-3 nutrients. The baby receives that nutrient, literally sucking out our brain power. During pregnancy, Dr. Oz says a woman’s brain also shrinks by about 8 percent. “You don’t lose cells. The cells get smaller,” he says. “It might be because you’re focused on one thing, but the good news is after you give birth, your brain begins to rewire quickly. … Your brain actually gets more powerful than before you got pregnant.”

It’s the last part that I find difficult to believe. More powerful? I think my brain forgot to regenerate. I’m just sayin’.

To combat “mommy brain,” Dr. Oz recommends taking omega-3 fatty acids and getting plenty of sleep. “[Omega-3 is] important because we know that it actually allows women to recover from depression faster if they have depression after pregnancy,” he says. “It also allows the brain to grow.”

While he gives that great tip, which I just may try to implement, the true is that I’m fallible. With both of my kids getting older, they are involved in far more scouting, sports and school activities and I have that much more to keep track of. Despite looking at my calendar every day, things are going to slip through the cracks. There is no magic formula and no solution to make sure that things like this don’t happen again. The truth is since my children forgive me, I need to forgive myself. Period.