For the first three years I would call it the Physical Attachment era: In the first year, it's all about taking care of the baby's most basic needs. Lots of diaper changes, feedings, baths--and in Elise's case, keeping one step ahead of her colic; on the flip side of that is the attachment aspect. Getting to know them personally and bonding with them--hopefully teaching them that they can trust us and rely on us. The second and third years can be even more demanding as they learn to walk and talk and begin to gain a sense of self and independence. There is a lot of danger intervention in these years trying to keep one step ahead of the next potential accident. Put on your running shoes for about 3 years, parents. Game on!
In our household, with a 5 and 9 year old, we have evolved into one of my favorite eras. This is what I call the Communication phase. Starting around age 4, I really noticed a sense of independence and increased confidence in my kids' abilities to take care of their needs. Adam has been making his own breakfast and packing his own lunch for a few years now. He makes his own bed, takes showers and is a self-starter when it's homework time. What is interesting, though, is watching Elise blossom into her own little person. She dresses herself (albeit often mismatching), brushes her own teeth, makes her bed. I am finding myself having to do less and less for both kids--which I am totally alright with by the way.
However, I am doing a lot more talking. A lot. That's why I call it the Communication phase. They have a lot of questions between the two of them. Adam is in that "not a baby but not a teenager" phase. 9 is the new 13 so I think its safe to say that he is officially a pre-teen. He is noticing things--lots of things--and has questions, and some tough ones at that. We talk about what dating and marriage is about. Even sex comes up in little spurts (thank goodness for the slow entry into this one!) We talk about school and taking personal responsibility. We talk about what peer pressure looks like and why kids tease. We talk about what his personal beliefs are and why we believe the Bible is the Word of God and why we pray. Adam has always been a good talker. From preschool days on I've always been able to get a dialog going about what happened during his day. He'll tell me who he sat with at lunch and what games they played in p.e. Adam will share what book they are reading aloud in class and what book he's reading with his reading buddy. Which special class did he have that day. Yes, there is a lot of talking going on in my house.
Elise is stereotypically a talkative little girl. She loves to pretend, having long conversations with her stuffed animals, doll house family, and sometimes just to herself. She is also the one who asks the toughest questions like "Was Moses the first baby talked about in the Bible?" Wow, good question. I know the answer is no, but I had to think about who was mentioned first in baby form. I think it was Isaac, but you know I'm not even exactly sure myself. Most of the more well known people of the Bible were already adults before they are mentioned so the fact that she even asked that made me know she's always thinking.
As of late, her biggest obsession is with writing words and sounding out letters. Rarely will she go more than 5 or 10 minutes without telling me what a word starts with, or without asking me to spell a word for her. So last week while I was making dinner it didn't really phase me when she asked me to spell ICUP. For those scholars out there, I know icup is not a word but again, I would have to say this is typical Elise. She loves to combine letters and ask if they form a word. Surprisingly, some of them do. Like when she spelled A-S-S on a pretty picture she was making to give away. Nice, Elise. Good job!
In that haphazard way where our focus is really on one task, but asked to focus on another, I answered her I-C-U-P. I said it slowly, ready for her to copy the letters as I say them. But, alas, no paper in hand so she says "No, Mommy, slowly". Again, I repeat I-C-U-P and say, "Do you have that now?" and turn back to the stove. For some reason she appeared a little bit huffy as she left the room, like I was not playing along, and I certainly noticed that her carefree attitude had switched. In just a few moments time, I hear Adam and Elise talking in a quieted hush. Nothing like a little whispering between your two kids to notice that is there is something fishy going on.. That is when Adam came into the kitchen and asked "Did Elise ask you to spell icup?" to which I said "Yes, twice. What's up?"
"Spell it again, Mom. slowly this time" He said in a voice that sounded exasperated, just like his sister. Giving him my full attention I repeated "I C U P". Adam smiled....then I got it. I-C-U-P. I returned his smile, "Oh, I see you pee. Cute, Adam. Very cute."
Oh, I had forgotten this inevitable stage of life: Potty Talk. That's OK. I could use a few good laughs.
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