Once every four or five years I stay awake until midnight to greet the new year. I'm hip that way. Last night was that rare time when I was awake to say goodbye to '12 and hello to '13. There was nothing magical in that moment--which is why I suppose I am not motivated to stay up until midnight in the first place. Maybe I value my sleep more than my political correctness to ring in our new year.
Overall, 2012 was not a great year. Ironically, 2011 was actually just as bad for many of the same reasons. Do I have hopes that 2013 will turn things around? Certainly. The optimist in me hopes that the struggles our family has had will find a place of calm in the next 365 days that lie ahead of us. The pessimist in me, however, knows that many of the unresolved angst in 2012 will, in fact, follow us into this new year like a bad habit. There is nothing magical about the turn in our calendar that will pardon us from our difficulties.
Every year I ponder the question, "What will I do to make 2013 a better year than 2012?" It's not really about making resolutions in the traditional sense. You are setting yourself up for failure (thus we begin our year with a Fairy Tale, thinking that we will suddenly live "happily ever after"). It's about making baby steps to being a better you.
For my husband, I want to love him better. Be more gentle, more kind, more respectful and more encouraging. Physically, we go through the motions in our marriage, taking care of each others needs in the traditional sense. I am the homemaker, providing him with the sanctuary he wants to come home to each night. I could be a stronger support system for him in the emotional and spiritual sense. In turn, I would like to be appreciated more--criticized less. Fifteen years of marriage does not make us experts. I find that having a great marriage is very difficult amidst the chaos of adult children struggling to find their way and having two children to raise up along the way.
When it comes to parenting, I do more things right than wrong. I am usually very patient and engaged with my kids. 2012 taught me about sacrifice more than ever before. I spent about 10 months of 2012 going from countless doctor and hospital visits with Adam, hoping to find a diagnosis and treatment plan for his blood disorder. While I hope the most difficult months are behind me, we are still finding Adam's new normal. This is a process for both of us and I learned what it truly means to sacrifice for my child and place his needs before mine. I have spent hours on my knees, pleading with God to get us through the difficult days and weeks. As a mom, 2012 was the hardest year of my life.
Perspective was my buzz word for the end of 2012 that I will carry into 2013. Adam is cared for by a pediatric hematologist, which is a fancy name for a blood cancer doctor. (like leukemia) Twice weekly for months, we have been in waiting room and exam rooms at the hospital. Kids with cancer are all around us. As for now. Adam's condition is NOT life threatening. Our cryogenic results and yearly bone marrow biopsies will give us a better idea if his condition could become cancerous, but it is most likely not that serious. There are infants, toddlers, school aged kids and teenagers fighting for their life. Adam's illness has been difficult but does not compare to the dozens of kids we have met who hope that 2013 is not the last new year they will ever see. As difficult as it has been, it could be worse. Much worse. Perspective.
My precious Elise. With the struggles all three of our boys have had this last year, she would tell you she has been a little neglected. She has such a loving, sweet spirit that I hope I continue to nurture that innocence and child-like quality in her. I realize that in 2013, we will have two adult sons, and one teenage son. She will be my only little one. I want to savor and enjoy that child in her before she decides she needs to be 'all grown up'. I made strides to really celebrate her in the latter half of the year, and I hope to continue to do that.
The biggest change I hope to make in 2013 sounds selfish, actually. Given the challenges I have at home with Adam, I am learning to say NO. 2012 was filled with a lot of giving of my time, talents, money and resources. And all of them were good things. But I over-committed myself to the point where thoughts of fulfilling those commitments made me sick to my stomach. In the last month I have thoughtfully pulled away from some of these commitments, even though it is a difficult thing for me to do.
In recent months, I have had difficulty staying healthy. 2012 will go down in our family history as being one of my sickest ever, which drives this point home even more. Part of that was exacerbated by lack of exercise on my part. I am the heaviest weight I have ever been and in the worst shape of my adult life. It's not about being skinny. It's about having a strong mind and body to take care of my family. If mama's sick, life is very difficult. And mama has been sick way too much. I had the mind set that if I did not get to the gym first thing in the morning, exercise was not happening. For 2013, I will change my mindset. If my morning is busy, I can still get to the gym in the afternoon. There is no rule that it has to be morning. It's just important that I go so I can be strong enough to take care of Adam.
Honestly, I am going to give myself permission to be very selfish in 2013. My friends who I have confided in this last year know how much of a struggle this last year was for me, and I look forward to having more time just to be with them and to nurture those relationships on a more intimate level. Life is too short and too busy to be stressed all the time. I want to scrapbook more, write more, and be productive a little less.
So to my friends, followers, and the occasional reader who stumbles upon this post, I wish you all a happy, healthy and blessed 2013. I wish for you what I hope for my family.
Overall, 2012 was not a great year. Ironically, 2011 was actually just as bad for many of the same reasons. Do I have hopes that 2013 will turn things around? Certainly. The optimist in me hopes that the struggles our family has had will find a place of calm in the next 365 days that lie ahead of us. The pessimist in me, however, knows that many of the unresolved angst in 2012 will, in fact, follow us into this new year like a bad habit. There is nothing magical about the turn in our calendar that will pardon us from our difficulties.
Every year I ponder the question, "What will I do to make 2013 a better year than 2012?" It's not really about making resolutions in the traditional sense. You are setting yourself up for failure (thus we begin our year with a Fairy Tale, thinking that we will suddenly live "happily ever after"). It's about making baby steps to being a better you.
For my husband, I want to love him better. Be more gentle, more kind, more respectful and more encouraging. Physically, we go through the motions in our marriage, taking care of each others needs in the traditional sense. I am the homemaker, providing him with the sanctuary he wants to come home to each night. I could be a stronger support system for him in the emotional and spiritual sense. In turn, I would like to be appreciated more--criticized less. Fifteen years of marriage does not make us experts. I find that having a great marriage is very difficult amidst the chaos of adult children struggling to find their way and having two children to raise up along the way.
When it comes to parenting, I do more things right than wrong. I am usually very patient and engaged with my kids. 2012 taught me about sacrifice more than ever before. I spent about 10 months of 2012 going from countless doctor and hospital visits with Adam, hoping to find a diagnosis and treatment plan for his blood disorder. While I hope the most difficult months are behind me, we are still finding Adam's new normal. This is a process for both of us and I learned what it truly means to sacrifice for my child and place his needs before mine. I have spent hours on my knees, pleading with God to get us through the difficult days and weeks. As a mom, 2012 was the hardest year of my life.
Perspective was my buzz word for the end of 2012 that I will carry into 2013. Adam is cared for by a pediatric hematologist, which is a fancy name for a blood cancer doctor. (like leukemia) Twice weekly for months, we have been in waiting room and exam rooms at the hospital. Kids with cancer are all around us. As for now. Adam's condition is NOT life threatening. Our cryogenic results and yearly bone marrow biopsies will give us a better idea if his condition could become cancerous, but it is most likely not that serious. There are infants, toddlers, school aged kids and teenagers fighting for their life. Adam's illness has been difficult but does not compare to the dozens of kids we have met who hope that 2013 is not the last new year they will ever see. As difficult as it has been, it could be worse. Much worse. Perspective.
My precious Elise. With the struggles all three of our boys have had this last year, she would tell you she has been a little neglected. She has such a loving, sweet spirit that I hope I continue to nurture that innocence and child-like quality in her. I realize that in 2013, we will have two adult sons, and one teenage son. She will be my only little one. I want to savor and enjoy that child in her before she decides she needs to be 'all grown up'. I made strides to really celebrate her in the latter half of the year, and I hope to continue to do that.
The biggest change I hope to make in 2013 sounds selfish, actually. Given the challenges I have at home with Adam, I am learning to say NO. 2012 was filled with a lot of giving of my time, talents, money and resources. And all of them were good things. But I over-committed myself to the point where thoughts of fulfilling those commitments made me sick to my stomach. In the last month I have thoughtfully pulled away from some of these commitments, even though it is a difficult thing for me to do.
In recent months, I have had difficulty staying healthy. 2012 will go down in our family history as being one of my sickest ever, which drives this point home even more. Part of that was exacerbated by lack of exercise on my part. I am the heaviest weight I have ever been and in the worst shape of my adult life. It's not about being skinny. It's about having a strong mind and body to take care of my family. If mama's sick, life is very difficult. And mama has been sick way too much. I had the mind set that if I did not get to the gym first thing in the morning, exercise was not happening. For 2013, I will change my mindset. If my morning is busy, I can still get to the gym in the afternoon. There is no rule that it has to be morning. It's just important that I go so I can be strong enough to take care of Adam.
Honestly, I am going to give myself permission to be very selfish in 2013. My friends who I have confided in this last year know how much of a struggle this last year was for me, and I look forward to having more time just to be with them and to nurture those relationships on a more intimate level. Life is too short and too busy to be stressed all the time. I want to scrapbook more, write more, and be productive a little less.
So to my friends, followers, and the occasional reader who stumbles upon this post, I wish you all a happy, healthy and blessed 2013. I wish for you what I hope for my family.
